Originally, I wrote this text in HTML, but that makes viewing it more difficult. I could alternatively write it in org-mode or texinfo, but that wouldn’t have too much advantages. I would prefer to write this in Typst, but as Forgejo/Codeberg has no integrated Typst to HTML rendering, I don’t.
This document has been in the works for idk a bit more than a year, so it isn’t like a perfect snapshot anymore.
2021 I figured out with complete certainty that I am trans (effectively also that I’m non-binary). 2022 I figured that after I finished my Bachelor of Science degree (in mathematics), I’ll move away from Chemnitz. As a destination to move to, I for now settled for Aachen, and continue studying there for Master of Science (also in mathematics). This means switching universities in the process.
Since then, several things happened:
In the years since, this got compounded because some of my friends moved away from Chemnitz and my remaining and some newer friends are mostly concentrated near Aachen. A previous concentration in Berlin has dispersed, which I otherwise had considered as an alternative. Another such cluster is in Vienna, but my connections there aren’t as strong.
As I like to keep company, and my relations to my family — which were the only thing still tying me to Chemnitz in these circumstances — were (and are) far from perfect (particularly due to some people being regularly transphobic, and sometimes also making misogynic or xenophobic remarks, etc.), with few exceptions.
2024 I was way closer to finishing my B.Sc.. Finishing it was basically a prerequisite to moving full-time to Aachen because commuting between Chemnitz and Aachen on a regular basis is too exhausting. And switching universities basically directly before finishing a Bachelor is unwise due to unclear/probably difficult transfer of credit points.
It should additionally be noted that the conditions at TU Chemnitz did degrade further in the meantime: After finishing my Bachelor degree, I did get matriculated into the 2022 Master programme, which makes it really difficult to schedule exams. Additionally, any modules finished in this way would be basically impossible to get recognized at other universities, because they’re organized completely differently (they’re grouped into really large blocks, instead of small, single-semester modules).
At the beginning of June 2025 I received my Bachelor degree certificate + “Zeugnis”. At the beginning of July 2025 I had basically all documentation available to request matriculation at RWTH Aachen at the start of October 2025 (and did just that).
I often try too hard to avoid future problems, even when those aren’t too likely. I’m probably a bit paranoid about the future. I feel like I have to expect that I could easily end up “on my own” without any support (incl. collapsing support structure for basic stuff like housing, healthcare and food supply). This was already that case ≈2012, and it has gotten way worse since then. This is particularly fueled by the circumstance that some people, on whose support I still rely, don’t seem to care much about me, except perhaps that they’ll prefer if I stay alive.
I yearn for a certain level of control and stability; I really prefer it if I myself have to fuck-up a ton of stuff I control to end up in a bad spot, than when I can do almost nothing wrong and end up in a bad spot not really due to my own faults. Because if I am responsible myself, I can plan accordingly and try to mitigate stuff as best as I can (tho the current economic situation makes this annoyingly difficult).
My relations to my family got way worse in the meantime.
A bit of context is probably necessary to understand this: I’m neurodiverse, queer and trans, and have been relatively open about that to pretty much everyone except about being trans to most of my family, due to known hostility towards that (doesn’t mean that they’re not hostile to the rest, it’s just much worse re: being trans vs. the other stuff).
In general, I perceive two family members I currently closely rely on as effectively unreliable. Both have either dismissed many of my concerns, one got fired from their job in a preventable way (that is, they were warned about stuff they shouldn’t do, did it anyways, and in way broader scale than I and others imagined, and got fired for that, and couldn’t fight against it because it was just one thing in a longer list of systematic mistakes/misuses at that point). That perosn is also quite transphobic afaik.
The other apparently thought it would be a good idea to harass me almost on a daily basis for roughly a month about being trans, on HRT and vaccinated. That person also seemingly likes to effectively gamble with money by investing it in crude scams (and anyone they ask about it says that they’re scams, but they don’t care). Also, they never stopped harassing me (non-regularly) for being trans, anyways. The worst occasion so far could be almost regarded as a death threat. It feels like it got slightly better in the past few months, but idk if that’s stable.
I have lost almost all trust I had in those, and it seems like that will never recover because so far they almost always managed to one-up their mistakes by way bigger ones (and more preventable ones) and didn’t apologize for anything along the way. I had way too many times this year where I felt safer on streets and in public places than at “home”, and that apparently gets worse every month. I don’t want to have to witness the what might come as an upgrade after emotional manipulation and verbal abuse.
Many other family members aren’t much better, with like 4 exceptions (none which live at the place that was basically my home for 2 decades+).
So thus, I was essentially in panic mode and tried to escape as soon as possible from this House of Cards on which I currently unfortunately depend.
I could’ve stayed in Chemnitz and “prepared” more thoroughly, but the last time I did, I wasn’t ready enough afterwards, and got plans wrecked anyways (e.g. by unexpected/unplanned expenses).
I didn’t want to stay in Chemnitz simply because I want to move to Aachen anyways and I don’t want to move twice shortly after another, and don’t want anything bundling me to Chemnitz.
Actually, 2023 during a similar time (before I was on HRT), I actually already tried moving inside of Chemnitz to some queer WG, stayed there for 2 weeks (of which I was one week on vacation in Aachen), and was thrown out afterwards due to “overcrowding” (the whole situation felt pretty volatile). So, I tried, and I didn’t really want to try again.
July 2025 I successfully applied for enrollment (matriculation) at RWTH Aachen. Thanks to some friend, I easily got a HiWi-Job at RWTH Aachen, meaning I don’t lose extremely large amounts of money per month.